Kendal Mint Fake

Kendal isn't as rural and quaint as I thought a country town that's biggest call to fame is confectionery would be. The roads through town are very busy, and crossing any one of them is both time consuming and hazardous. The best method is to see a gap and just go for it, not forgetting to flip off any beeping drivers. The high street's quality isn't that far off Lancaster's, with plenty of shops shut down or empty altogether. It isn't all that picturesque either; far too wide, exposing all its faults, which are numerous, and the general state is worn and slightly run down. None of the pubs appear particularly inviting either. I'd relied on my phone for so much over the last couple of weeks - directions, weather, reservations etc - but the alarming lack of 3G reception left me feeling lost.

I checked in to the inn I'm staying in after an initial wander (in). The lady behind the bar asked me if I had stayed with them before, as she thought she recognised me from somewhere. This is it, I thought, my chance for tomfoolery! I told her she probably recognised me from TV. "Ooo, are you on TV?!" she excitedly asked. "No," I replied. "Oh," she said, disappointedly, and turned back to the till. Classic.

Even though it was overcast, it was warm, so I'd set aside a lot of time to walk up the hill to Kendal Castle. I need to work on my distance judging, as I made it there and back in under an hour, including the time it took to eat my lunch at the top. The views from the castle are breathtakingly beautiful; to the north are the Lake District hills which were strikingly coloured like sand by light shining through invisible breaks in the cloud, in sharp contrast to the dark, brooding valley all around. The town centre lies to the west, looking much nicer from above it than in it, while the rest of the town surrounds the hill. Sadly, judging from the debris in all the nooks and crannies, the castle appears to be crackhead central at night. The hill was the only place in Kendal I could get 3G reception.

The castle

This picture does not do the view justice

With little else to do in town in the evening, I went to the Brewery Arts Centre to see a screening of The Great Gatsby. It was OK, but spoilt by Baz Luhrmann's creative freedom. The style and music in Romeo & Juliet played an important part in making what could have been a seminal youth counterculture film, but where they were tools that helped create a spectacle by accentuating the drama, the contemporary music, poor special effects and Lord-of-the-Rings-esque fake camera swoops in Gatsby robs the huge, wonderfully-choreographed party scenes and set pieces of their period grandeur. It's also incredibly hard to sympathise with any character; the entire movie is set within a society of such an unapologetic decadence which at the time of the novel's release was an ideal to aspire to, but these days is now distasteful and difficult to admire.

After a bistro dinner, I went to The Shakespeare for a drink. I wanted to go to the Ye Old Fleece Inn, apparently Kendal's oldest pub, but it was shut, as were many pubs in town at half 9. I would've felt like I'd stepped back in time in The Shakespeare, with its domino players and pickled eggs in a jar, if it wasn't for the £3:35 for a pint and the pensioners on the next table talking about the Scissor Sisters.

Kendal Mint Cake is fucking disgusting.